Perchance To Dream
by Love's Bitch
Summary: Spike has dreams of Buffy's return and gets lost in the fantasy. How the beginning of Season 6 *should* go...
1. Loss

TITLE: Perchance To Dream  
AUTHOR: Love's Bitch, a.k.a. Kristin L.M.  
DISCLAIMER: Credit where credit is due, Joss is God, Grr Argh, etc. I only *wish* Spike were mine.  
DISTRIBUTION: If you like it that much, you are my new best friend! Just let me know where it's going.  
RATING: PG-13 just to be safe  
SPOILERS: Season 5 through the Gift. How the beginning of Season 6 *should* go.  
FEEDBACK: Better than drugs! Will you help feed my addiction? Shakes468too@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Spike has a recurring dream about Buffy's return and gets lost in the fantasy.  
DEDICATION: To Hils, who made me *want* to write and to Py my new favorite beta. You guys are the best!  
  
  
  
  
Spike knew someone was in his crypt. He could sense movement, smell blood, and hear a heartbeat. They could be there to steal all his stuff. They could be there to stake him, or they could just leave the front door open and let him dust. Or, most likely, they were there to tell him how useless he was. How it was all his fault. How he could burn in Hell for all they cared. To tell him what he could have done to save her. Should have done.  
  
But he couldn't bring himself to care.  
  
The past two months had been hard for everyone. They had all grieved together and now they still worked together. They had continued to let Spike work with the Scoobies, but for the unlife of him he couldn't figure out why. Nor could he figure out why he still went to help them. But with Faith still in jail and no new Slayer on the way, the need for them to band together was more than ever. Right after the funeral, it had gotten really bad because of all the demons celebrating the death of a Slayer. For a few weeks, all the gang seemed to do was fight and kill. And Spike, being the only one with enhanced strength, was now an integral part of the gang, whether he felt a part of it or not. Whether he liked it or not.  
  
It hurt to be around them; they all had someone, they all had each other, and Spike couldn't really feel apart of that. Xander and Anya had each other to comfort themselves, as did the Wiccas. Willow took great comfort in having the blonde witch back, but Spike could still tell that she felt the loss. Every so often, when they were researching some new big bad, she would be looking past her book, as if it wasn't even there, and he knew she was thinking about Buffy, because he could feel that look on his own face, sometimes.  
  
Giles probably had it the hardest, besides Dawn, it was like losing a daughter for him. But he had also gained a daughter in the bargain. Now that the Slayer was gone, and they still hadn't found Buffy and Dawn's father, Giles had used the Council's pull and gotten temporary custody of the youngest Summers. The only one left.  
  
Dawn had been torn apart at first, but had truly taken her sister's words to heart. She tried desperately to live each day as though it were her last, for Buffy. She was always trying to get Spike out of his crypt, to do the same. She said he would waste away if he didn't go out once in awhile, and she would force him to go to the Bronze with the gang, or to rent a movie. He avoided these little interruptions in his brooding as best he could, but often she was just too persistent. 'A bitty Buffy' he'd once called her and he was right. Which was one of the reasons he found he couldn't say no to her, because he had come to love her as much as he'd loved Buffy, only in a completely different way. With Buffy, he wanted nothing more than to share a love, a passion, with the girl. With Dawn, he wanted nothing more than to protect her, to keep his promise to the Slayer.  
  
It was probably the nibblet in his crypt now. He still hadn't bothered to open his eyes to see. If it was, she was uncharacteristically silent. He could feel her eyes on him, watching him, studying him even, and he began to feel uncomfortable, and so he spoke. "Go on home, Nibblet, your Watcher will be frettin'." She loved it when he called Giles her Watcher; she said it made her feel closer to Buffy, to who Buffy was. When she didn't respond, he got worried. Maybe something had happened. He rolled over to face her and opened his eyes, saying, "Come on, Dawn, you know you shouldn't - " His voice caught in his throat at what he saw.  
  
Standing there, at the door to his crypt, was Buffy; wearing the exact outfit she died in, looking beautiful and young and so very alive. Without another word, he stood and went to her, taking her in his arms. She returned his embrace almost too eagerly, but Spike couldn't care about that. His Slayer was back.  
  
"Oh, Buffy…how are you here? I can't believe it, you're alive. I don't understand," he was babbling and he knew it. He pulled away to look at her face, seeing wetness at her eyes. "Shh, love, don't cry…"  
  
"I'm back Spike. I don't know how or why…but I heard you calling to me. For months it felt like I could hear your heart crying out, searching for me." She smiled and reached up and touched his cheek. "I don't think I understood how much you loved me. But it was your love that brought me back. And I'm not leaving again."  
  
He felt his own tears coursing down his face, but didn't remember starting to cry. Disregarding that, he brought his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss that had been building up in him for a year. "Oh, Buffy, I love you."  
  
"SPIKE! WAKE UP!"  
  
Spike jerked back and looked at Buffy. "Did you say something, Slayer?"  
  
Buffy smiled gently, touching his face again. "It wasn't me. But you have to go now. I'll be back, I promise." With that, she dissolved into thin air, leaving a stunned and very confused vampire.  
  
"Come on, you bleached bum, WAKE UP!" Now he was recognizing Dawn's voice. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and reopened his eyes, to find himself still lying on his bier, with the nibblet leaning over him, shaking him. "Man, you sleep like the dead." The girl laughed at her own joke, but stopped when she noticed his less than amused look. "Oh, come on, it was funny."  
  
Spike could only look at her in disbelief and sadness. "Go away, Dawn." He rolled back over and hid his head under the pillow.  
  
A dream. It had all been a dream.  
  
Dawn went over to Spike and sat next to him on the bier. "Come on, Spike, let's go do something fun." She waited for a response patiently; she'd been through this before. He would try to ignore her for another minute or two, but then, he would roll over and sigh heavily. He would tell her what a pain in the ass she was and then he'd show her that lazy smirk that meant he loved her anyway.  
  
Spike took a minute to compose himself. The dream had been so real and waking up to Dawn and the realization that Buffy was still gone cut right into the grief. He took a deep breath, and turned over to meet her gaze. "Pet, do you know what a pain in the ass you are?" he knew the ritual, and he would not disappoint her.  
  
She grinned widely, and informed him of their plans for the evening. "Lets go, the gang is at the Bronze. I told them we'd be there at eight, and we are already ten minutes late, so hurry up."  
  
The vampire smirked at her, sat up, running a hand through his bleached locks, "I don't know. I don't feel much like going out tonight."  
  
"You never do. Which is why you are still moping around while everyone else is…" Dawn stopped for a second. Everyone else was still hurting, still mourning, but they were helping each other through it, while he sat alone in his crypt. "While everyone else is coping. Come on, it'll be fun, I promise."  
  
Spike still wasn't completely convinced about the having fun part, but she had a point. Also, he found he just couldn't say no to Dawn. Not long after they'd reached the Bronze, however, he wished he had been able to.  
  
***  
  
Xander was sulking. He knew it and he didn't care. It wasn't so much that he didn't like Spike, just more of a momentary regression of friendship. They had kind of bonded, as much as the two could, over the past months. Xander still had some issues with the vampire's obsession with Buffy, but mostly they understood each other. It had started soon after the funeral.  
  
The gang had all gone back to the Summers' house after the funeral, and they had all talked together for hours, sharing stories and laughs. Spike was present, but silent through most of it, just taking in everyone's anecdotes and staring past them all. All of the sudden, though, he'd spoken. He told them about the first time he had seen Buffy and them, all dancing at the Bronze. He told them how taken he was with her, with her grace in dancing, as well as in fighting. How he had thanked the Powers That Be that night for a worthy adversary. Then, without another word, he left.  
  
Xander and the gang knew that he was blaming himself for Buffy's death, believing that it was his fault that she'd had to sacrifice her life. They saw how torn up he had been that day, when she'd taken that fatal leap. And they had all softened a bit for the vampire. They finally believed that he loved her. That he loved her almost as much as they did.  
  
But Xander had made his peace with that, and he and the bleached vamp sitting across from him had formed a rocky friendship, being the only two males in the gang besides Giles, who rarely went Bronzing. Right now, though, he was really irritated at Spike, and he was pouting.  
  
For the past few months, Spike had followed Dawn wherever she went at night. That was a spot of apprehensiveness for the Watcher at the beginning, but once they saw he intended to protect Dawn from anything, they had all softened a bit more for the vampire. But tonight, everyone had noticed the vampire's dampened mood, especially his new charge. And Dawn was doing her best to improve his disposition.  
  
And Xander was never more aware that he was the old crush.  
  
"Its not fair," he said under his breath to Anya, who rolled her eyes. "I mean, for at least five, six years, I was the one. Me. Big, funny Xander. I just don't understand how she could go from liking me to him in one big jump."  
  
"Its because she's never had you in bed." Anya, as always, stated loud and directly. "Plus she's fourteen. What do you expect, a longstanding obsession?" Without waiting for a reply, she pulled Xander to his feet, "Lets dance, I'm bored."  
  
Spike breathed a sigh of relief when the two left the table. He had heard the quiet conversation and a small smile surfaced at the couple as they walked away. He really liked that Anya. They had so much in common. The vampire knew that Xander really didn't hold (much) ill will towards him, but in many ways, it was still uncomfortable between them. He watched as the brunette boy and blonde girl danced slowly to the music. His gaze drifted over to the two witches not three feet to the right of the other couple, and he felt very alone.  
  
Dawn had gone to the ladies room, which gave him a slight reprieve. It had been difficult to feign enthusiasm for long after they'd arrived. It just wasn't the same without her. Nothing was. He sat back, taking a sip of his beer, and ran over the dream in his head. It had seemed so real. It was if she were right in front of him, but had been snatched back at the last moment. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel the kiss…but the night wore on, as most nights do, and his brain gradually lost the details of the dream.  
  
About two hours later, when it was time to escort the nibblet home, Spike had completely forgotten the dream. The combination of alcohol and Dawn's insistence lead him into a few rounds of pool with Xander, who had quit pouting, and after that, he had even paid for a round of drinks. Sure, he'd used the money he'd just won off the whelp in pool, but they had all still been pleased.  
  
Dawn and her undead protector walked in silence for most of the way to her house. She knew something had been irritating him earlier, but she wasn't sure if she should ask about it, or if he even wanted to talk about it. She knew the night out had helped; just like she'd said it would, but she wanted to make sure he'd be okay alone. Not try to stake himself or anything silly like that.  
  
"So what's bugging you?"  
  
"Nuthin', love."  
  
"Right. That's why you started the night by sulking like a little kid? Because there's absolutely nothing wrong…" She shook her head. They reached her house and started up the walk to her door.  
  
"Listen, Lil' bit. My problems are none of your concern."  
  
The girl, who had reached the porch, stopped abruptly and turned to look at the blonde with a hurt expression burned into her features. She just stared at him for a moment, and even though Spike wasn't sure what he'd said wrong, he couldn't help but feel guilty at the look on her face.  
  
Finally, she spoke. "If you believe that, Spike, why do you even bother hanging around?"  
  
With that, she turned and ran into the house, slamming the front door behind her. Spike looked after her dumbfounded, unsure if he should go after her or let her be. He stood there agape for another minute before shaking his head and turning to leave.  
  
"Wish I knew, pet. Wish I knew."  



	2. Worry

  
  
Spike sat in the cemetery thinking about what Dawn had said. "Why do you even bother…" he said to himself, quietly. He took a drag on his cigarette and looked up at the tombstone he sat in front of. "You know, she's just like you. Stubborn as hell and convinced she's always right." He took another drag and blew the smoke out, respectfully away from the stone. "Only this time she's right. I…I guess I've been…"  
  
He stood up and started pacing in front of the headstone, his voice slowly rising. "Bloody hell, I don't know. I'm a vampire, for Christ's sakes. I'm not supposed to care about pushing her away. I'm not supposed to care about her hurt little feelings. I'm not supposed to care about any of them. Or anything!" He paused for a full minute, looking at the stone again. "Then why does it hurt so bloody much?" The bleached vampire sat down again, facing the marble, defeated. He hadn't cried for Buffy, not since that first night. And when he felt the tears welling up again, he pushed them back. He refused to cry again.  
  
Spike hadn't heard anyone approach, and certainly hadn't seen them, as they stood behind him, listening. But as he took a deep breath, preparing to say goodbye for the night, a scent caught his attention, and he turned and stood in one fluid movement. The first punch took him off guard, and he landed back on his butt, staring up at a very angry young lady.  
  
A very angry Buffy.  
  
Spike was too stunned to do anything but sit on her grave and stare, slack jawed.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here, Spike?" She had her hands on her hips, her eyes bright and narrowed with anger. "Are you here to gloat? To rejoice in your 'one good day'?"  
  
The blonde vampire was awestruck, unable to speak. Of all of the ways he had imagined it would be if she came back, this was not one of them. And not for the first time, he was struck by how beautiful she was when she was angry. Her skin seemed to glow and her lips were pressed together tightly, as if she was struggling not to smile. Or struggling not to yell. And here she stood; in all her furious glory, and all Spike could do was stare.  
  
"Answer me, you bleached idiot!" Her voice cracked almost imperceptibly and the shocked man on the ground noticed and stood, finally.  
  
"Is it you?" He walked over to her, feeling like a dolt at the question, but didn't dare say anything else.  
  
"Yes, its me. Who did you expect? Mona Lisa?" Her sarcasm was a little too insistent, as though she were trying hard to cover something up.  
  
"How are you…why are you back?" There had to be a reason, he had to know.  
  
For a moment, Buffy stared back at him, a mirror of his shock when she first made herself known. "I come back from the beyond and that is all you can say? WHY?"  
  
This time Spike was prepared for the fist that was aimed at his chin. He caught her wrist and turned her, pulling her back against him. He felt the first tremor of her sobs and held her tighter, whispering in her ear. "Shhh, love, what's this really about?"  
  
She waited a moment, trying to gather herself Spike assumed, before she spoke. "I…don't know. I wake up here, in the cemetery, I saw my grave…I heard you coming, and I hid." She took a deep breath, continuing. "I heard you. Talking to me…and I didn't know what to think, what to feel. So I got angry." She pulled out of Spike's grasp and turned to look at him. "Angry is so much easier."  
  
Spike reached up and caressed her cheek lightly. "I know." He smiled at her lightly, "You look beautiful for being dead."  
  
"Look who's talking," Buffy smiled for the first time since she'd punched him and the bleached vampire couldn't suppress his own grin. He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, studying her eyes. He closed his eyes and went to plant a firm kiss on her now grinning lips, but a voice broke the moment.  
  
"Hey, Evil Dead, what are you doing here?" It was Xander.  
  
"Bloody hell." Spike opened his eyes, but it wasn't Buffy's forehead he was leaning against. It was her headstone. His eyes widened momentarily as he realized it had been another dream. "Bloody fucking hell."  
  
"Uh, what's wrong, Spike?" Xander actually sounded a little nervous, which was ever so slightly appropriate, considering he just woke up a pissed off vampire from what looked like a pretty good dream. "Sorry I woke you, it just looked like you were uncomfortable."  
  
Spike finally looked up at the boy, who really did look sorry. "S'alright, Xander. I can't believe I fell asleep here anyway." He got up off the grave and took one long look at the Slayer's grave, before turning to leave.  
  
Taking notice of the bleached vamp's sullen attitude, Xander blurted out, before he could stop himself, "I know what you're feeling." He cursed himself silently for speaking at all, but figured he might as well continue, since his target was now looking at him like he'd grown a third arm. "I mean; I loved her too, once. If you need to talk to someone…" He let the invitation fade out, figuring if he actually said the words, it made them too close to being friends.  
  
Spike was surprised at the boy's words, and was silent for a moment. When he did speak, he upheld Xander's law of the unspoken truth, and said simply, "Right then," and nodded in understanding. He then turned and walked away, leaving the boy to his own mourning.  
  
When Spike finally made it back to his crypt, he lay awake thinking for hours, until he saw the sun peeking through the curtains. He decided that he had to find Dawn first thing tomorrow night and apologize. Because she was right. He was pushing her away; she deserved to know what he was going through.  
  
With that thought, he slipped into a blissfully dreamless sleep.  
  
***  
  
Willow and Tara walked into the Magic shop at about two thirty the next afternoon, after Giles had called a Scooby meeting. Everyone else was already there and sitting around the table, expectantly.  
  
"The fun can begin, we're here," she said, smiling. "So, what Big Bad are we dealing with today?"  
  
Giles, having removed his glasses, was cleaning them as he spoke, "The old one, I'm afraid." Earning confused glances from everyone present, he continued. "It has come to my attention that our newest ally is still unable to move on, since Buffy's…passing."  
  
Everyone thought about that for a second, all knowing whom he meant, and all had examples when they spoke next.  
  
"He was so morose last night at the Bronze. I thought he was going to either start killing people or burst into tears." Willow contributed.  
  
"Last week, when we were researching the Gital demon, I saw him reread the same page four times, and then he stared off into space for like ten minutes." Anya supplied.  
  
"He just seems so sad, so not like himself." Tara had noticed a few things, as well, but they were all to do with aura and she didn't want to sound silly.  
  
Everyone looked at Xander to see if he had noticed anything. "Well, last night, I went for a walk…" He didn't want to share that he had been on his way to Buffy's grave himself, but there weren't a whole lot of options if he was going to tell what he saw. "Well, I guess I was trying to patrol - " Cries of 'Xander, alone?' and 'That's not safe!' could be heard before he was allowed to continue. "Anyway, when I got around to Buffy's grave, Spike was there, asleep, leaning his forehead against the stone. He looked like he was dreaming, and I woke him up so the sun wouldn't get him." Had he been honest, he would have said it was because he wanted to mourn in peace. He was fine, not moping like Spike, but it still hurt sometimes, and last night he had wanted to visit his first love's grave, alone. "And he seemed surprised, almost disappointed that whatever he was dreaming wasn't real. I'd bet everything I own that it was about Buffy."  
  
Everyone sat silent, thinking the same thing, but none wanting to say it. This was Spike, after all, who had been their enemy until just a few months ago. He had threatened each and every one of them with their lives, and had caused them all pain in one way or another.  
  
And here they sat, worrying about his welfare.  
  
"Its worse than I thought," Giles stated simply. "Someone needs to talk to him, to try to help him get past this. He's no help to us if he's this distracted."  
  
Every pair of eyes turned to Xander, but he didn't want that job. "No way, uh-uh. I don't do heart to hearts with vamps. I'm sorry, guys, someone else gets the short straw this time."  
  
"I'll do it," Willow's voice seemed meek, but everyone heard her anyway, and turned. "We've done the talking thing before, I'm sure I can help. I'll go tomorrow afternoon."  
  
"What's tomorrow afternoon?" Dawn's chipper voice could be heard as she made her way into the Shop. "You guys plannin' something?"  
  
They all looked at each other, wondering how much to tell Dawn. Giles had called the meeting in the early afternoon so that she wouldn't be around. He didn't want to worry the girl. "Nothing important, Dawn. How was school?"  
  
Dawn looked at them suspiciously, knowing something was up, but decided to let it go. They'd tell her when they were ready. They always did. "Same ole, same ole. Unfortunately its still there."  
  
Willow smiled at her as she sat down to the table with her geometry book in hand. She was so much like Buffy was, just five years ago. She wondered briefly how life would change Dawn, if she would turn into as brave a girl as her sister, if she would be as noble, or as loving. Willow still felt the pain, too, and always would, she imagined, at the loss of her best friend, but now her worry was aimed at Dawn and Spike. Dawn, because she was so much like Buffy, and Spike because even if he needed help, he wouldn't ask for it. Which was why she had decided to go to him.  
  
***  
  
When Giles and Dawn got home that evening after closing the shop, Spike sat on the front step waiting for them. As soon as the girl noticed the vampire, her demeanor turned cold, and Giles instantly took notice, but he left them on the porch to talk. Instead, he stood just inside the door, listening. Dawn tried to stomp past Spike on the porch, but he would have none of it.  
  
"Come on, Nibblet, we need to talk." Spike really needed for her not to hate him, and he knew he could get her to forgive him if she would just talk to him.  
  
"Whether we need to talk or not, you won't."  
  
"I'm here, aren't I? I'm sorry about last night. I know I haven't been exactly share-guy, but…" he trailed off, unsure of how to continue. He didn't know how to make her understand what his heart and his brain were doing to him with the dreams.  
  
Dawn saw his loss of words and immediately forgave him. All she wanted was for him to acknowledge that he'd been bottling things up. She sat down on the other side of the steps, facing him. "I know, Spike, its just not healthy. You gotta talk about what's going on with you."  
  
The bleached vampire laughed a little. "You know, pet, its funny. I've always had a hard time expressing my emotions." He was thinking about his human life, and his 'bloody awful' poetry. "Even when I wanted to."  
  
"So tell me now. What the problem was last night."  
  
He sighed deeply and tried to think of what to tell her. "It's these dreams I keep havin'. More like nightmares, but not really. Buffy keeps coming back in them." He saw an expression float across the girl's features: understanding. She'd had them, too. "She comes back, and its great, just like I've pictured a thousand times, and when I wake up and she's not really there…" He let his words die, feeling as though tears would follow if he continued. After a moment, he met Dawn's eyes. "They're just…so real."  
  
Dawn could see the unshed tears shining in her friend's eyes, but she could find no words to soothe him. She had had similar dreams, but they were all so obviously dreams and she never thought twice about them, once they were over. Unsure of what to say, she simply rose and walked over to where the vampire sat, throwing her arms around him in a short but meaningful hug.  
  
Spike was a little uncomfortable at the display, but hugged her back, appreciating the concern behind it. He pulled away quickly, and changed the subject. "If you've finished all your homework, how about we have a night, pet? On me. We'll do whatever you like, and I'll pay."  
  
The girl sitting next to him smiled broadly, and it struck him how much her smile was like Buffy's. He was shaking his head to expel the thought, when she spoke. "I've got the BEST idea!"  
  
***  
  
Three hours and one very bad horror movie later, Dawn was ready to drop, and Spike was just leaving. "I can't believe I let you rent that rot," he said, playfully. "Next time, I pick the movie, maybe I'll make you watch the original. The prom scene at the end, with all the pig's blood is enough to make my mouth water." He winked at her as she scrunched up her nose.  
  
"Ewww, Spike! Enough imagery! Besides, there's no way some 1970's horror flick by some guy I've never heard of - "  
  
"Stephen King! Horror legend and genius!"  
  
" - could ever be better than Jason London, anyway." She finished her sentence and started up the stairs. "Night, Spike."  
  
He watched her go up the stairs and turn into her bedroom. "Night, Nibblet." He walked out of his second home, and headed toward the cemetery for a round of patrol before bed. His thoughts turned back to the dreams as his feet led him down the walk and to the left.  
  
From a window upstairs, Giles watched the vampire's brow furrow, suggesting he was still preoccupied with the dreams he had overheard them discussing earlier, despite his assertions that he had 'talked it all out' with Dawn. The Watcher shook his head slightly, feeling the vampire's pain, and made a mental note to mention the dreams to Willow before she went to talk to him the next day.  



	3. Anger

  
  
Spike flipped off the telly and sat back in his green armchair. "Another great instalment." He'd just finished watching Passions for the afternoon, and actually felt like he was regaining a little bit of normalcy in his unlife. He chuckled lightly at the thought. "I'm a neutered vampire who's in love with the dead Slayer, but all is back to normal at Chez Spike."  
  
He had leaned his head back and closed his eyes for only a second, when all of a sudden the door to his crypt slammed open behind him. Spike instantly realized who it was; no one else barged in like she used to. He hung his head, also recognizing that he was dreaming again. He stood up and turned to see just what he'd expected. Buffy. Again.  
  
"Hullo, love." He waved nonchalantly, wondering how this Buffy will be. Sad? Irritated? Confused? Brassed off? He turned back around and sat back down, ignoring her. It was his dream; he'd do what he liked.  
  
"Spike? Hello? Ghost in your crypt and you just sit there?" Irritated, check.  
  
"Sorry, Slayer, but like you say, this is a crypt. Dead things have been here before." He laid his head back again and re-closed his eyes, trying to shut her out. He felt her move around the chair to face him and simply stand there, waiting. He opened one eye. "Bloody hell, you're still here? Why don't you trot on back to the netherworld, eh, pet?"  
  
She had her hands on her hips again and she was still sexy as hell when she did it. "Okay, lets review: I died. You mourned. I came back. You're indifferent? This is so not how I pictured things." She shook her head, disbelief written across her features. "What happened to all the heat and desire you talked about, huh?"  
  
Spike started at the thought. This was his dream. He could do what he liked. A slow smirk reached across his lips, "So you wanna see heat and desire, do you?" In less than a second, he had stood up, grabbed her around the hips and pushed her roughly against the pillar behind her. As he'd suspected, in his dream world, he had no chip, so it didn't go off when he slammed her against the column. "Hang around a bit, love, you'll see all you like." With that, he smashed his lips down to hers, taking out all of his frustration and pain on Dream Buffy's mouth.  
  
The blonde vampire pulled away only when he heard a low moan escape the girl's throat. He looked down into her hazel eyes, all the passion he felt reflected there, backed only by confusion. "Spike…what are you…this isn't what I meant."  
  
She raised her arms to his shoulders, doubtlessly to push him away, but he simply chuckled at her attempts. He took her left arm and pinned it behind her, using the advantage to pull her body full against his. She cried out, breathing heavily, but didn't try to get away again.  
  
"Sure it is, Slayer. You wanted heat, I'm giving it to you." He let his right hand move from her hip, lightly caressing her side as it found its way to her breast. He heard her gasp involuntarily as he started to lightly stroke it. "But if this isn't really what you want, just say so. Say 'No, Spike, I don't want you.' And I'll stop." He dipped his head down and began kissing high on her neck, just below her ear, and he felt her lean into his touch. He moved his mouth up to her earlobe and nibbled lightly, continuing "Just tell me you don't want me to kiss you," he laid a feathery kiss on her jugular, "or to lick you," he emphasized 'lick' by doing just that up the column of her neck, earning another gasp, "or to bite you," again he demonstrated, nibbling along her jugular, causing an intense shudder to go through her body, "or to…" He looked deep into her eyes, and rubbed himself between her legs, making her very aware of how excited he was. "Just tell me you don't want any of it, and I'll stop."  
  
He continued to let his lips and tongue dance along her neck and his hand caress her breast, as he waited patiently for her answer. "Go ahead, love." He let his demon visage come forward and he bit down hard on her neck, drawing blood. The Slayer moaned loudly as her free hand shot up to the vampire's neck, holding his mouth to her neck. He pulled away and lapped gently at the twin punctures. "Tell me to stop."  
  
Spike pulled away and turned his blue eyes on her, smoldering with passion. He watched as several emotions played across her face. After a moment, the fingers of her right hand began to stroke the back of his neck. She looked up at him through heavy-lidded eyes and said, "No." She took a steadying breath and continued, "No, Spike. Don't stop."  
  
Without another word, the blonde vampire met her mouth in another bruising kiss. He let her left arm go and it immediately found his chest, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him as close as she could, roughly returning his kiss. Letting her other hand snake down to meet the left one, she pulled a way, a smirk on her face. "Allow me," she grinned, and tore his shirt clean from his body. One very aroused Spike growled in appreciation and anticipation.  
  
Dream Buffy reached out to the bleached vampire and was stroking his chest and stomach, cherishing his finely chiselled muscles. She finally let her hands rest at his waistline, her fingers dipping below the waistband of his jeans. She winked once, before shoving him fiercely so that he fell back into his chair. Before he realized what had happened, she was on top of him, licking and kissing his chest, shoulders, and neck.  
  
"Spike? Are you asleep?" It wasn't a voice in his dream world, he knew, because he was busy moaning and Dream Buffy's mouth was busy making its way happily downward. Knowing his dream was almost over, he grabbed Dream Buffy's shoulders, closed his eyes, and pulled her in for one more passionate kiss. As he pulled away, he kept his eyes closed, leaning his head back again.  
  
"Um, Spike?" Willow's voice forced his eyes open, because it was so close to his face and almost a whisper. When he opened them, he saw a bright red Willow looking seriously embarrassed and holding a hand to her lips. Realization dawned on him. It wasn't Dream Buffy he'd just kissed.  
  
"Bloody hell." He sighed deeply and looked away from the still blushing redhead. "Sorry, Red, but that's what you get for waking me up in the middle of a dream." He got up and walked to where his duster lay, in search of smokes. "A really good dream, that."  
  
"Was it about Buffy?" She knew it was from the way that his body stiffened at the name. This little visit had already turned into more than she'd expected, and she wasn't sure anymore that she should be doing the heart-to-hearting. The kiss had been so full of intensity and misery, passion and failure; it had almost hurt to be apart of it. She had felt all of the love he kept for Buffy in that kiss and now she was going to tell him he needed to move on?  
  
Spike tried to shrug off her question, still looking for his cigarettes. "What makes you say that, pet?" He found the pack and took a fag out, lighting it up and inhaling deeply.  
  
"Well, I just know you've been thinking about her a lot still, and I just wanted to make sure you were dealing okay."  
  
"And, what? You don't think ole Big Bad is dealing, then?" He turned his scrutiny at her, starting to get angry. He was dealing fine, thank you very much. If you didn't count the dreams, that is.  
  
"We're just worried about you, Spike."  
  
"We? There's a 'we' now?"  
  
Willow nodded slowly; she could tell he was getting angry. "All of us. We've noticed how you're still grieving. You're all edgy and you hardly ever leave here. The dreams can't be healthy for you."  
  
Spike felt his demon clawing at the surface, desperate to be let out, but he kept his voice quiet and even. "How do you know about the dreams?" He saw on her face that she hadn't meant to say anything about the dreams until he mentioned them. "I've only told Dawn about them. Did she run and tell all her little Scoobies that I'm having unhealthy denial dreams?" This was exactly why he didn't talk about his emotions. They were always thrown back at him like they were wrong, evil, whatever. First, with Cecily, then with Buffy, now with Dawn, not to mention a million times in between.  
  
"No! Dawn would never - "  
  
"Get out, Red." He turned away from her and sat back down in his chair. He'd had enough. If they wanted unhealthy, he'd give them unhealthy.  
  
Willow looked on in shock. "Spike, you can't just - "  
  
"Get. Out. Now."  
  
The witch turned and went to the door, unable to figure out what was going on. Spike's voice was so cold when he told her to leave, it was as though they were back to square one: wanting each other dead. With one last look over her shoulder, she left the grieving vampire to his thoughts. And to his dreams.  
  
***  
  
Spike waited a few seconds after hearing the door quietly click shut, before standing up and beginning to pace. So they thought his moping about was unhealthy? So they were all worried about him? Well, bollocks to them. He didn't need them looking out for him, he was fine on his own. He always had been before, and now, once again, he felt the Lone Wolf status calling him.  
  
Besides, if he needed their help he would have gone to them eventually. He'd done it before, when he first got chipped. He needed help; he sought it out. Why should this time be any different? 'You forget,' a soft voice in his head called, 'you forget how long you waited before you sought that help. It was almost too late.' The memory of how starved he'd been when he finally broke down and went to the Scoobies for help made him shudder involuntarily. He'd literally been skin and bones, hadn't eaten in what seemed like forever. The little voice in his head spoke up again, 'don't let it get to be too late before you get them to help you this time.'  
  
"I DON'T NEED THEIR BLOODY HELP!" he screamed to no one in particular. Now he was seriously pissed off and wanted desperately to kill something. He lit a new cigarette with the dying embers of the previous one, "I'm fine! The dreams are nothing! In fact! They're a good thing! Denial my ass…I know she's dead. I know she's not coming back. They're just stupid bleeding dreams, I know that!" He continued to pace and puff, but he was quickly losing steam, as a new idea came to him. "They're just dreams. If I know they're just dreams then it isn't denial to indulge in them." He felt a smile creep across his face as he took a final drag on the cigarette between his fingers, tossing away the half-burned butt. He took off his shirt and boots and crawled happily into his bed, intent on enjoying the dreams everyone thought were so bad for him.  
  
Within moments, Dream Buffy bounded into his crypt, a smirk to match his own on her lips. "So, love," he said in greeting. "Whatever shall we do?"  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, back in the Magic Shop, Willow sat back, almost finished retelling her story of Spike's angry outburst. She had left the kiss for last, because she knew it would cause the most concern. "It was just so intense, so intimate. I froze; I didn't know what to do. When I realized what he thought was going on, I just got so sad." She let her words hang in the air, waiting for questions and comments from her friends.  
  
Xander was the first to speak. "It should have been me," he said absently, earning surprised looks from everyone. As he realized what he'd said, his head shot up, and he began to stammer, "No, not like that. I just mean if I had gone to talk to him, he would have never tried something like that."  
  
"I don't think it was intentional, Xander. He was dreaming, he didn't realize…" Willow again let her words trail off, and it was Tara who spoke next.  
  
"Did you kiss him back?"  
  
Everyone looked at the quiet blonde, whose voice was, for once, steady and without stutter. Willow knew she would be upset, but had hoped they could talk about it in private. "No, Tara, I didn't kiss him back. I was too shocked to do anything." After a beat, she amended her words, hurriedly. "Not that I would have anyway."  
  
Again, the calm and quiet voice came, "Too shocked to even push him away?" Her eyes told a story her voice did not, one of hurt and dull aggravation. "Did you enjoy it?"  
  
"Honey, I-"  
  
The redheaded witch had begun to explain, when Tara stood from the table and began to walk towards the door. She spoke without turning back to look at them. "I'm going for a walk, I'll see you all later." And then she was gone.  
  
Willow sat back in defeat. "I was just trying to help."  
  
"Well?" The until-then silent Anya prodded, obviously intrigued by Tara's question. "Did you enjoy it?"  
  
Everyone ignored Anya and looked sympathetically towards the witch, but when Giles next spoke, it was back to business.  
  
"I'm sorry, Willow, but I was just wondering." He stopped mid-thought, as though trying to organize his ideas. "You said he didn't realize what he was doing? When did he realize what had happened?"  
  
"Well, he kissed me and then pulled away, leaned back in his chair, still asleep. He didn't realize what he'd done until I woke him up."  
  
"Which means," everyone watched as Giles slipped easily back into the role of Watcher and the wheels in his head started turning, "that he actually believed you were Buffy when he kissed you. He didn't realize anything was amiss, or even that he was actualising something that had happened in this fantasy world he has created for himself."  
  
The entire gang sat back and took in what the ex-Watcher had said, until finally someone said the words they were all thinking.  
  
"It's worse than we thought," Xander stated.  
  
"Quite," continued the elder man. "If he continues to indulge in these dreams, it is relatively possible that the lines between fantasy and reality can become rather blurred for Spike. Soon, he'll be unable to tell what is real and what has been generated by his mind."  
  
At the sound of a body slumping to the ground, the gang turned to find Dawn, who had fainted at the door of the Shop.  
  



	4. Denial

  
  
"Buffy. It's time to wake up, honey."  
  
Buffy cracked her eyes slowly, seeing her mother sitting at the side of her bed, looking down on her. A lazy smile made its way across the Slayer's lips and for a moment, she was still in high school, and this was just her mom coming to wake her up in the morning. Her mother, who only had one daughter; her mother, who had never heard of a Vampire Slayer; her mother, who had never had to worry about ex-Gods or the end of the world; her mother, who was still alive.  
  
With this thought, Buffy realized exactly what was going on around her. She was not in her bed in her bedroom, with her mom coming in to wake her for school. She was dead and in heaven with her mom coming in to wake her for…  
  
"You have a visitor." The Slayer watched her mom get up off the bed and walk out the door to her bedroom. As soon as she crossed the threshold out of the room, another figure appeared. A short redheaded girl who Buffy remembered from a former life stepped through the doorway.  
  
"Willow, no!" The sight of the redhead brought tears to Buffy's eyes, thinking of only one way her best friend could be with her in heaven. "This can't be!" She jumped up from the bed and ran to her friend, enclosing her in her arms. At the lack of reaction from Willow, Buffy pulled back and looked carefully at the witch. "You okay?"  
  
The redhead nodded dramatically, and smiled broadly. "Only, you do not understand us." The voice was measured and automatic, reminding the Slayer immediately of her robot self. "We are not your friend, Willow Rosenberg. We come to you in this form because you know and trust this form."  
  
Buffy stepped back a moment, looking incredulously at her new companion. "Then who are you?"  
  
"We are the Powers That Be. And we have a proposition for you."  
  
***  
  
Spike stretched lazily in his bed, trying to figure out what had woken him. He lay back and waited, trying to see if it had been a sound or a presence in his crypt. When a sound emitted from his body, it took him off guard. When he realized the sound was him crying out in pain, he was even more shocked. His body was simply reacting to the fact that he hadn't fed in nearly three days. He had spent the time alone in his crypt, sleeping and dreaming.  
  
Every so often, someone would stop by and wake him, trying to talk to him about the dreams, or to try to get him to feed. He refused to drink anything they gave him; further trying to prove that he was fine without their help. When he woke up the day before with Dawn's bleeding throat between his teeth, he panicked.  
  
It was that panic that actually tore him from his dreamworld completely for the first time since Willow's visit. When he sat straight up in bed only to realize that his feeding off of Dawn was a dream, he decided to get a lock for his door. Had the nibblet actually been in the crypt, who knows what could have happened. He might have actually bitten her.  
  
So on went the lock and out went any possibility of the gang reaching him to interrupt his ever-more-interesting dreams. In some, they just shagged, and Spike could take out all of his frustration on Dream Buffy's body. Others included them sparring, fighting each other with everything they had, neither holding back. Still others had them simply talking, or holding each other. Once she had even asked him to read some of his old poetry to her. Each dream was different and more intriguing or frightening or wonderful than the last.  
  
But now that Spike was fully awake for only the second time since the redhead had come to his crypt, he decided to take advantage of the time. He would go out, get something to eat, and then find the Scoobies and prove how well he was doing without their help. He'd show them how little he needed them.  
  
***  
  
The Bronze was hopping, the music of an up-and-coming band no one had ever heard of filtering through the club, forcing everyone who's ears it met to their feet. Everyone, that was, except for the five at table ten.  
  
Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander, and Dawn sat silent, all thinking about one bleached vampire who had locked them out of his life. Willow and Tara had made up mostly, deciding that this little problem was less important than what was going on within the group. Though, you could still tell when Tara was thinking about her girlfriend kissing the Brit.  
  
The whole purpose of the evening out, however, was to cheer up Dawn, who had been dramatically effected by the vampire's regression into himself. They had found the crypt's door locked only today, when they tried to take more blood to him. Dawn had cried standing outside the door, calling to him, yelling at him; so mad and confused she couldn't see straight. He had promised to take care of her, but how could he, if he couldn't even take care of himself?  
  
As far as a fun night out went, this one was not. The five of them sat sipping their drinks and staring at the band on stage, though none of them heard the music or actually saw the band members. None of them could even tell you which band was playing.  
  
And it was only eight thirty.  
  
***  
  
After a quick trip to the butcher, Spike was feeling quite himself again. He slipped a few extra bags of blood into his duster, and went in search of the gang, to rub it in how much he didn't need them. He was sure they'd be at the Bronze; it's all they ever did on Friday nights. The fact that it was actually a Tuesday night made no difference to Spike. He just kept on walking towards his destination, oblivious to everything around him. He was in the alley behind the club when it happened.  
  
Buffy walked from behind a dumpster, as though she'd been waiting for him and smiled. Spike's first thought was that he was dreaming. Somehow, he had fallen asleep between the butcher's and the Bronze. He stopped to think for a second, trying to figure out exactly where he was sleeping. 'Right, mate, I think those dreams are getting to you.' He shoved the thought away completely and regarded the girl standing before him.  
  
Before he had a chance to say anything to Buffy, she walked to where he was standing and pinched him.  
  
"Ow! Bloody hell, woman, what was that for?"  
  
"Just showing you that you aren't asleep." She smiled at him slyly, but Spike knew better.  
  
"How did you know that's what I was thinking?" His eyes held scrutiny; he knew this wasn't really Buffy, but if he was really awake, then how was she here?  
  
"I can see what you're thinking because I'm not real. I'm in your head with you."  
  
Spike simply nodded. Sure. That made sense. As if absolutely none of this was out of the ordinary, he walked into the club, Dream Buffy in tow. Without much trouble, he found the gang and walked over to them, a huge grin plastered across his face.  
  
"Oi, pets. How are we all tonight?"  
  
At his voice, everyone jumped, and Dawn jumped out of her seat and ran directly towards the bleached vampire, hugging him tightly. She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, "I'm so glad you're okay! We thought the worst when you put that lock on your door."  
  
Spike looked over at Dream Buffy and said, "The lock was just to keep the nibblet safe. Didn't mean to shut her out completely." He then turned back to Dawn, whose mouth hung open in something akin to a mixture of fear for her friend and disbelief at what she was seeing. "Sorry, Lil' bit. Didn't mean to frighten you. I just wanted to prove that I could do this on me own." He smiled broadly, "And look at me! I'm fine. Better than that, I'm better'n I've been in years."  
  
The gang all looked at each other, slack jawed. They remained silent because none of them knew what to say. Here sat Spike, trying to convince them of how well he was doing, as he talked to air. They watched as he looked up towards the stage, seemingly enjoying the concert. The grin remained on his face, only it was muted now, and every so often he would speak into the space beside him.  
  
"What's that, love?" Pause. "Oh, no, they're probably just surprised to see you." He looked back over at his friends. When he spoke, it was almost in a whisper, as though he didn't want the air beside him to hear. "Why haven't you spoken yet? Isn't it good to see her?" He gestured over his shoulder, to where he'd been talking. "Just say something nice. Tell her how good she looks or something."  
  
When none of them responded, their minds still reeling from everything they'd seen, he simply shook his head and addressed the air again. "It's alright, pet, don't be upset. They're just shocked. We'll give them time." He offered his arm to no one, who evidently took it, and then he addressed the group. "Well, Buffy's not feeling very welcome, thanks in no small part to you lot, so we're going now." Without another word, he walked away from the table, still speaking to the space beside him. "Don't worry. They'll come round. They'll realize its actually you and come looking for you. Then we'll have the merry reunion just as you planned."  
  
As Spike left the club, he shook his head, amazed at how uncaring her chums had been. Back from the grave, and they had simply sat and stared.  
  
Some friends.  



	5. Fear

  
  
Buffy looked incredulously at her friend's face; still a little thrown by her appearance, not to mention who she said she was. "What kind of proposition?"  
  
The Powers made Willow's face smile once more, "Your work is not done. We want to give you the chance to go back to your world, to go back to your life."  
  
Instantly, Buffy was overjoyed. To actually see Willow again, and Dawn, and everyone else in the gang would be even more of a heaven. She opened her mouth to ask what she had to do, when she had another thought. "Why me?"  
  
Willow's forced smile faltered a little, and the blankness in her eyes became confusion. "We do not understand your question."  
  
"Why me? Why wasn't my mother given this chance? Why wasn't Kendra? Or Jenny Calendar? They touched people's lives too, they were important to the world. Why can't they go back?"  
  
"You are the Chosen One. You are needed."  
  
"Kendra was a Chosen One, too. She was just starting out, she could have used this second chance more than me." Buffy was beginning to be a little angry with the Powers. She had just begun to get used to the whole being dead thing and they want her to go back? There were so many lives that she didn't save that could have used this chance. "Besides, I gave my life trying to stop the world from ending. Doesn't it kind of take the sacrifice out of it if you just give me what I sacrificed back? Why don't you go find JFK and tell him his second chance has arrived?" She turned her back to Willow's body, having to remind herself it wasn't really her friend.  
  
After a moment, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see the figure had changed into Giles. "Come now, Buffy, you must understand. The world has changed since you were taken from it, and that balance must be restored." He cupped his hands between them and images began to show there, as if the space were a movie screen. "Look at how your death has affected everyone you know, as well as the world beyond Sunnydale."  
  
The first image she saw was of all of her friends standing around her body at the scaffold where they fought Glory. Dawn sat on the stairs behind everyone, crying quietly to herself and unable to tear her eyes from her last true relative's unmoving body. Anya was resting her wounded head on Xander's shoulder, silent tears making tracks in the dust that covered her face. Xander held his lover tight to his body, a look of devastation marring his face. Giles was looking down at his hands, the pain of seeing her lifeless body evident on his tearless face. Tara seemed only to care about Willow's state of mind, comforting her with caresses and calming words, also shedding no tears. Willow seemed to be the most affected, unable to form sentences, shaking from the disbelief and the pain. The tears that ran unchecked down her cheeks and her mouth screwed up in incomprehension spoke for her. Her head shook almost imperceptibly, as if she refused to believe her friend lay dead before her.  
  
Buffy shook her head, trying to block out the images, but then the picture focused on another figure, further back, hidden in shadows. It was Spike and he was crying, it seemed, for her. His entire body shook with the intensity of his weeping, and the look of utter loss on his face was shocking.  
  
Before she had time to think about this, the picture changed once again, this time showing her funeral, where all the same faces appeared, though this time there was hardly a dry eye present. She saw how many of her friends from college showed up, and even some she knew from high school. She looked around for her father, and finally saw him standing apart from the rest of the gang, Dawn obviously ignoring his presence. Next, she looked for Angel, even though it was a daytime ceremony. Eventually she found him, standing underneath a tree nearby, holding an umbrella over himself and someone else. Again, the figure in the shadows was Spike, only this time; he was one of the only ones not crying, instead of one of the only two crying.  
  
Next came several images of the Scoobies patrolling, fighting, staking, and more often than not, getting whipped pretty badly. She watched helplessly as her friends were thrown into trees, punched in the face, and kicked in the stomach. It was painful to see these images and Buffy found herself wishing the Powers would move on already. But the pictures kept coming; every one of them showing another injury that could have been prevented if she'd been there.  
  
The following depiction confused Buffy at first. It simply showed her friends gathered around a table at the Bronze, looking glum. She was still unsure why this image would inspire her to return to her life when she saw Spike walk in, looking all too happy. She watched as Dawn, looking like she thought he was dead, threw her arms around the vampire and hugged him tightly. Then, she became confused, as he turned to no one and began to speak. The scene went on for a few moments, and by the time Spike left the Bronze, she was very worried about him.  
  
"This one, the vampire, he intrigues us. He has drawn into his own world where you are apparently back from death. He allows no one into his crypt and he sleeps almost non-stop to indulge in dreams of your return. He is just one of the many who are affected so drastically by your death." Using Giles' 'father tone' and making his gaze soften, the Powers continued. "We respect your sacrifice and we do not mean to disregard it by asking you to return. And it is true that the others you have mentioned have touched other lives. But you have altered prophecies, you have saved the world countless times, and you have not only touched lives, but also changed them forever. Your work is not done. Your friends need you. The world needs you."  
  
Buffy sat down on her bed and mulled over the Powers' proposition. The Slayer in her was ready to go fight the forces of evil like a good little Chosen One. But a big part of her wanted to stay here with her mom, enjoy the peace she had rightfully earned. When she looked up, her mother had re-entered the room, and was sitting on the bed beside her, Giles' figure standing further back, looking out a window, pretending not to listen.  
  
"Its alright, Buffy. I'll still be here when you get back. Months, years, decades, it doesn't matter. I'll be right here waiting, so go ahead and save the world a few more times." She smiled warmly at her daughter, "Give everyone a hug for me, okay? Tell them I said 'hi.'"  
  
Buffy laughed lightly at her mother's words and the two women hugged. "I'll be right back, Mom." The Slayer saw the Powers plaster a grin across Giles' face and she closed her eyes and held her mother tighter. If she had to leave heaven, it would be like this.  
  
***  
  
"It was creepy, Giles. I mean he just kept looking off into space and talking as though she were right there," Xander was trying to explain to the Watcher exactly how much Spike's behaviour an hour earlier had given him the wiggins. "And then he was looking at *us* like we were the ones off the deep end!"  
  
"This is what I was talking about. He has regressed into himself and into these dreams. We have to do something about it, if he goes on like this, it could be very dangerous."  
  
"He looked like he hadn't fed in days." Dawn's small voice caught everyone's attention, even though she was facing away from them. "He looked so tired." She turned to them, "How can he look so tired if all he's done is sleep?" She was so afraid for her bleached friend; he'd been acting so strangely earlier that night.  
  
Giles, for once, had no real answer for her. "The dreams must be very draining for him, I suppose. I think we should come up with a plan. We need to get him here, so we can talk to him, make him see what he's doing to himself." With a look at Dawn, who was again staring absently out the window, he continued. "To us."  
  
"Well, what should we do? We could all just go to his crypt and have an intervention there." Anya supplied, trying to help.  
  
"We could knock him out and bring him here." Xander said, a little too enthusiastically.  
  
"Or, we could just trick him into coming here. Tell him there's a new big bad in town and we need his help." Willow, always the level head, was forming a plan, but Dawn's quiet and distanced voice stopped her.  
  
"He won't fall for it. Or he just won't care. He knows we can handle research on our own. There has to be something at stake." She paused, waiting to see who would get it first. "Something he cares about."  
  
"What are you suggesting, Dawn?" Giles knew what she wanted to do, but he felt bad enough about deceiving the vampire in his altered state.  
  
"It's simple. Xander and Giles, you go to his crypt and tell him I'm in danger and that he's the only one who can help me. Tell him I need him." She stood up and began to walk towards the training room to be alone. "Don't say you can't do it. You know it's the only way to get him here." And then she was gone, closing the door behind her, to wait.  
  
"I guess that's our cue," Xander quipped, standing up and getting his jacket, while Giles stared after the fourteen year old who had just given them orders. He wanted to smile with pride at the woman she was becoming, but as he felt Xander's hand on his shoulder, he snapped out of it. "Just think of it this way," the boy smiled. "If he doesn't fall for it, we can always knock him out."  
  
***  
  
Spike was having a meaningful conversation with Dream Buffy about Passions when the pounding began. "Bloody hell. What do they want now?" His door shook with each knock and he was about to yell at them to go away, when Dream Buffy spoke.  
  
"Go with them."  
  
Spike looked back at her in shock. This was his dream; she was supposed to want him to stay with her. The little voice in the back of his head whispered at him, 'It's not good when your illusions don't even listen anymore…' He shook his head and asked, "What's that, pet?"  
  
"Go with them. It's important. Don't ask questions." And then she was gone.  
  
Very irritated now, because not only had they interrupted his conversation, but they had also forced away his Buffy, Spike stormed over to the door and ripped it open, breaking the lock. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!?!" He didn't care that the anger and the yelling had brought forth his demon visage.  
  
Xander and Giles stood in surprise for a moment, both unable to form words when looking in the face of a very angry, formerly brutal, vampire. Giles was the first to overcome his shock, though his words were overly quiet and a slight stutter impeded the message. "Uh, Spike, we…we need your help - "  
  
"Well I don't want to give it, now piss off." He started to slam the door in their faces when he heard Xander call out, tentatively.  
  
"It's Dawn."  
  
This made him not only stop and turn to them, now fully awake, but forced his demon back. His human mask was marred by worry instantly at the mention of Dawn. "What's happened? Is the nibblet alright?"  
  
Giles took over, trying to lie as little as possible. "She won't be without your help. You need to come with us, now, to the Magic Shop."  
  
Spike thought for a second, Dream Buffy's words resonating in his head. 'Go with them. It's important. Don't ask questions.' He nodded once, grabbed his duster and said, "Right then, let's go." He walked past the two men, who continued to stare after him, surprised even more by his sudden willingness. He turned and urged them on. "Come on. Lil' bit needs me, let's get there."  
  
Xander and Giles looked at each other quickly, and then the three of them headed back towards the shop, walking in silence the entire trip. Spike lead the way, seeming very impatient to get to Dawn, and both the young man and the Watcher were lost in their own thoughts of how quickly the vampire had jumped from irritated to worry when she had been mentioned.  
  
Spike spoke as soon as he entered the shop, with the rest of the gang already there, waiting for them. All except Dawn. "Where is she?"  
  
None of them really knew what to say, and all of them were busy taking in the vampire's haggard appearance. His hair was dishevelled, his normally lived-in looking clothes, appeared even worse, as though they hadn't been washed in decades. His eyes were sunken in and wild, and they could all tell he hadn't fed well.  
  
"Well? Is anyone going to answer me?" He was growing angry again, and his worry over Dawn made it impossible to bear the silence in the room.  
  
"I'm here."  
  
Spike spun around quickly, to see Dawn exiting the training room. He rushed to her, and looked her over, head to foot. Seeing no injuries, he quirked his head at her, "I was told you were in danger, but you're fine. What is this?"  
  
"I need to talk to you. We all need to talk to you." Dawn's calm steady voice took everyone off guard. She had taken charge of the situation, came up with the plan, and was now leading them all in what do to.  
  
"We're worried about you, Spike." Willow followed the girl's lead, trying to make Spike comfortable. "You have to get through this and we want to help you."  
  
"Worried about me. So worried about me that you couldn't bring me here honestly? So worried that you sent them lying to my door?" Spike was looking at Dawn, the anger obvious in his voice and the accusation burning in his eyes. He was mad again; mad that they had interrupted his happy world; mad that they had lied to him; mad that they were right.  
  
"They didn't lie. I do need you." The young girl's voice finally faltered, her words cracking. "I can't continue to watch you do this to yourself." The first tear rolled down her right cheek and Spike felt the first twinge of anything besides anger at the group. "You promised to protect me, remember? How can you do that if you are locked in your crypt? I do need you, Spike. But I need you here, in reality, with me."  
  
Her tears got the best of her and as they coursed down her face, Spike felt his anger melt away completely. He walked over to her and took the girl in his arms, holding her as tightly as she had held him in the Bronze, and whispered into her hair, "I'm sorry, Dawn. I just couldn't give her up."  
  
Everyone stood around with smiles on their faces, glad that their part in the intervention had been minimal. None of them wanted to be in Spike's way when he was angry ever again. They watched the two hug for a moment longer, before the vampire pulled away.  
  
"The dreams," he started softly, trying to figure out where to go from there. "They won't go away on their own, will they?"  
  
Giles took off his glasses and began to wipe them with a handkerchief. "I'm afraid not. We've been researching vampire psychology which seems a great deal like human psychology, only with more anger and less acknowledgement."  
  
Anya translated. "He means that you're twice as mad, but half as good at dealing."  
  
"Yes, thank you Anya," Giles continued, "If you like, you could take a book and help us find the first steps to your…cure."  
  
Spike smiled wanly. "Always about research with you, isn't it, Ripper?"  
  
The group laughed a little too loudly at his words, as the tension in the room slowly dissipated. Dawn could hardly contain herself, being thrilled that her plan had worked. She'd known all they would have to do was make Spike face what he had been doing to himself and to them, and he would come out of it. She looked fondly on the vampire, so relieved that she hadn't lost another person she loved.  
  
Spike looked over at the nibblet, who had a wide grin across her face. He couldn't help but smile back at her, thinking, 'I've had enough fantasy. Let's try reality for a bit.' The bleached blonde could hear the little voice in the back of his mind cheering, and he couldn't help but chuckle at himself.  
  



	6. Acceptance

  
  
Buffy stood outside the Magic Shop watching everyone inside. They were all there, and Buffy was so excited to talk to them, to hear all about what she'd missed, and to tell them all about where she'd been, but she couldn't bring herself to open the door.  
  
She was terrified.  
  
A thousand 'what ifs' ran through her mind. 'What if they are angry? They spent all that time getting over me, and here I come waltzing back like nothing happened? What if they've changed? What if they don't really need me anymore?'  
  
She watched as Willow and Tara held hands and talked, sitting close. Their books lay forgotten in front of them, seeing only each other's smiles. She watched as Giles rolled his eyes at something Anya said, while Xander tried to hide his laughter. She watched Dawn and Spike, sitting away from the group, talking intently. It looked as though Spike was confessing something to her sister, and whatever it was looked very painful. He wasn't crying, but he did look terribly ashamed.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself, trying to be strong as she entered the shop, back from the dead. The little bell on the front door jingled once, and Giles' automatic, "Sorry, we're closed." stopped dead mid-sentence.  
  
"Hi, guys." All eyes were on her, as she stood at the door, unsure of what to do or say next. When the silence persisted, she tried again, "Mom told me to say 'hi' for her."  
  
She looked from face to face, searching for a smile at her words, if not her presence, but saw only shock in the eyes of all her friends. Until she met Spike's eyes, where she saw dread.  
  
As her warm hazel eyes met his cold blue ones, he emitted a high-pitched mirthless laugh, almost hysterical. He stood up from where he sat with Dawn and began to back away slowly. "I thought admitting you had a problem was the first step," He laughed again, but it seemed more pain filled than amused, "She's here again. I see her."  
  
"Spike…" Willow began, so overwhelmed that her voice threatened to give out on her. "We see her, too."  
  
Xander's large eyes and slack jaw didn't stop him from making a joke. "Great, he's contagious."  
  
Giles also stood and went to where Buffy waited, placing a hand on her shoulder tentatively. "You're back," he stated simply. Then as if he realized how un-Watcher-like his statement was, he began again. "How exactly did this come about?" He couldn't hide the joy as it leaked out in the form of a tear, down his face. He pulled her into a hug, not waiting for her answer, then turned to the group that stood behind him. "She's back."  
  
With that, everyone began to talk at once, everyone wanting their hug and her story. Dawn had run to where her sister stood after Giles' astute observation, and demanded a hug before and after everyone else's. She was still clinging to her sister's arm when she remembered Spike and what her sister's appearance must be doing to his psyche.  
  
Before she had the chance to turn and ask him how he was, they all heard the distinct sound of a body falling to the ground. They all turned to find a very unconscious Spike, who had fainted from shock.  
  
"That happens a lot in here." Anya stated calmly.  
  
***  
  
About twelve hours later, Buffy sat with Spike, who was still unconscious, in his crypt. They had brought him here the night before when they couldn't wake him, then stayed to catch up. She had spent the entire night talking with the gang, hearing everything about the past two months, from Giles' custody of Dawn, to Spike's recent problem. The whole time, Dawn had refused to be more than a foot away from her sister, and Buffy would not be the one to complain. But as sunrise came and went, one by one, the Scoobies left, going home to bed. Eventually, Giles forced Dawn to leave with him, understanding that Buffy wanted to talk to Spike alone. Everyone understood that surprisingly well. More than even she did.  
  
She went over everything the Powers had shown her, as well as everything the gang had told her, about Spike's denial and anger over her death. She thought about everything he had done for her and Dawn in the last year. And she thought about all the times he showed her he loved her, and she refused to see.  
  
But she was beginning to see.  
  
She had seen how he had broken down at the sight of her body, but still had problems believing that a vampire could feel so deeply. He had told her that he could love her, that he *did* love her, even without a soul, and at first she hadn't believed at all. She told him it was obsession, that it wasn't real. But he had shown her how real it was when he was tortured by Glory, refusing to give up the Key, all for the love of her. She believed then, that he loved her, but figured it for some twisted vampire love, like what he shared with Drusilla. But again, he had shown how much he loved her by fighting for her and her sister until the very end. He'd been thrown from the scaffold trying to protect Dawn, and if that wasn't love, Buffy didn't know what was.  
  
As she sat there, on the edge of the bier where he slept, she studied the fine lines of his face and thought about what he'd said to her on the last night of her life. 'I know you'll never love me. I know I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man…' Only she didn't. She treated him like an ally, a warrior, sure, but never as a man. But, now, she saw that his strength and his loyalty came from his heart, a heart she was beginning to think was anything but dead. The heart of a man, not a monster. And he wasn't a monster. Not anymore, not in her eyes.  
  
And now, after this latest bout of denial, she couldn't help but see the love he felt for her. How could it all be a ploy if she was dead and gone? How could he be plotting to turn against her and her friends if he was locked away, alone in his crypt, alone in a fantasy world with only her in it?  
  
How could he love her so much, and her never see it?  
  
***  
  
Buffy was still thinking all of these confusing thoughts and feeling things she wasn't sure of when the bleached vampire finally stirred two hours later. He rolled over onto his back, rubbing his eyes, and looking like a little boy who slept in too late on Sunday. When his eyes finally opened and he saw Buffy sitting next to him, looking anxious, he simply snorted and rolled his eyes.  
  
"I've had about enough of you." He turned his back to her and went searching for his smokes. "I'm in no mood for disappointment today, love, so kindly piss off."  
  
"What makes you think I'd disappoint you?" Buffy was confused by his action, thinking he would be glad to see her alive and alone with him.  
  
Spike, on the other hand, felt nothing but frustration. He had accepted he needed help, so why was the stupid Dream Bint still bugging him? "Because, pet, it's always a disappointment. Why do you think I slept for three bloody days straight? No one's *that* tired!" He found his cigarettes and lit up as he spoke. "It was because I couldn't face the disappointment when I woke up and you were still dead. Just like you are now. So sod off and let me sleep in peace."  
  
Buffy couldn't help the smile on her face. He thought he was dreaming. His mind evidently forgot to tell him about her return last night. "You aren't asleep, Spike, and this is no dream." She walked over to him, touched by how truly disappointed he seemed that he was dreaming again. She removed the lit cigarette from his lips with her right hand, and with her left pulled him into a deep kiss.  
  
'Sure, fine, whatever,' the vampire thought, a little surprised. 'As long as she's here we might as well - ' He stopped mid-thought as something struck him. Her kiss was nothing like any of Dream Buffy's, because he had always controlled her kisses. He hadn't controlled anything about this kiss, including the fact that it was happening. Dream Buffy only kissed him when his mind commanded it, and he had been surprised at this one. He pulled back suddenly, shock on his face as he slowly remembered the events of the past evening. 'We see her, too.' Willow had said.  
  
"Buffy?" His voice cracked, and he felt faint again as she nodded her head, still smiling broadly. The irony of the situation struck him, as did the intense feeling of déjà vu. He smiled back at her, remembering when she'd kissed him earlier that year, when he thought she was the robot. But this time, he refused to let her get away before he was finished kissing her.  
  
Spike drew the Slayer back in and kissed her with all the passion and longing he'd felt for the past two months. When he pulled away, she was breathless and both of them were smiling ear to ear.  
  
"You sure this isn't a dream, Slayer? It seems I've had this one before." He searched her eyes, but seeing only love reflected back at him through hazel, he couldn't help the tears that fell from his own eyes. A calm swept over him that he hadn't felt in years, and suddenly Spike felt only happiness and love; the anger and disappointment gone.  
  
Brushing away the first tears the bleached vampire had shed since the night of her death, Buffy blinked back her own tears. "I'm sure, Spike. And even if it is; this time, the dream doesn't end."  
  
  
THE END  



End file.
